Issue # 24 - Stuff you just shouldn't wear

Issue #24 - Stuff you just shouldn't wear


Alright guys, I'm probably going to offend a handful of you with this one, but i'm sorry, it just has to be done. There are a large number of style travesties that occur on a daily basis, and it has come to my attention that a large number of you don't even realize you're committing these crimes against everyone's eyes. In fact, most of you think what you're wearing is cool....unfortunately guys...it's not. Don't shoot the messenger here! But in reality these are things you need to hear. So without further ado here is a short list of some of the stuff you just shouldn't wear.

# 1 - Anything "Ed Hardy"



I know you think it's cool. I know it's all the rage, with everything from lighters to jogging pants to shoes being plastered in tigers, daggers, and scrolls surrounding bleeding hearts. It's not cool. It's in fact the exact opposite. Take the shirt to the left here. If it didn't say Ed Hardy on it, would you wear it? Probably not. It's the tackiest of tack. Now, add in the fact that a lot of these items feature rhinestones, studs, and assorted glittery objects and you've now taken your already awful display of 'style' to a level that only figure skaters can get to...and you KNOW you make fun of them.

# 2 - The backwards hat



Unless you're bumming around the house, or have a legitimate reason for turning your hat around, why do you do this? It hasn't been cool since the 90s, and even Fred Durst had the common sense to stop wearing it, so why are you still doing it? It truly, honestly doesn't make you look cool. At least the guy in the picture is wearing it with an equally sloppy hoodie, which makes it SOMEWHAT better. Please gents, stop doing this...but if you insist on wearing the backwards hat. Do not, i repeat DO NOT pair it with a button down shirt, or even worse, a button down shirt, vest and tie. This does not work. It does not say "I'm stylish but also laid back" or "Look at me i am trendy but also badass"...it says "I have no idea how to style my hair" or "I'm too insecure to actually dress up, so I am going to still act like a tough guy.".

#3 - The Pauly D haircut


What is this? No, I am seriously asking you what this is? It looks ridiculous, which is a vast understatement. You look like you're trying to be Guile from Street Fighter II. How do you even ask for this at the barber shop? On top of the overly stupid cut itself, you then pour enough product into it to create a spiky helmet, and this...looks...good? Honestly guys please don't try this. I know Jersey Shore is popular. I know Pauly D has his fan base of fanatical women...but you don't. And if you DO, then getting this hairstyle will certainly scare them away. Just say no. And on that note, if you're wearing diamond studs in your ears you should probably re-think those too.

#4 - The hiking shoe thingy


Unless you are trekking 15 kilometers through treacherous terrain on your way to work or school every day, there is NO need to be wearing these monstrosities. Are you a hiking instructor? If not, what are you doing even buying these? But even worse than buying them is wearing them EVERY DAY, with EVERY OUTFIT. Nothing strikes me as more puzzling than a guy that only owns 1 pair of casual shoes...let alone if THESE are that one pair. If you're a hiking or trail enthusiast, then more power to you. But keep them in the closet until you hit the woods. Don't wear them with your jeans, your dress pants or anything else.

#5 - Drakkar Noir


There are no words to describe this. Just stop. There are HUNDREDS of scents out there that will suit a man up and coming in the world. Drakkar Noir is not one of them. That is unless you want to smell like a man who quite obviously wears Drakkar Noir. Seriously. Stop. Don't even look at the price. Women cringe, babies cry, and flowers wilt. Don't be that guy.

That wraps up this latest installment of what you just shouldn't wear. If i offended anyone, I wish i could apologize, but you needed to hear it. Also making the short list of todays DO NOTs: Hockey jerseys, or any jerseys for that matter (unless you're going to the game), tighty whities (no woman wants to see that), and cell phone holsters on your belt. Again, if this upset you, and you want to tell me that i don't know my ass from a hole in the ground, then that's your right...but really, don't you know deep down inside that your Ed Hardy shoes (which are blatant chuck taylor rip offs) really look like they belong on a 6 year old?

Until next time gents,

S.G.